I quite frequently find myself singing a song by the duet Shakespear’s Sister, called ‘Hello’. The music of the duet caused a deep impact in me as a teenager back in the nineties, and as I have grown older, I have found new meaning in their music – as have I with the music of many other groups, because things are as deep or as shallow as the person receiving them, or at least that’s what I like to believe, as someone with a major in media and communication.
So, I find myself singing the part of the chorus that says “La, la, la, life is a strange thing: just when you think you’ve learned how to use it, it’s gone.” I wish I had already learnt how to use life without the certainty that I am old and nothing is left to want or believe, but I seriously doubt anybody at all gets to that instance without suffering from diagnosed clinical depression.
However, that particular bit of the song talks to me because, when I was very, VERY young, I decided I wanted to try and seize every possible opportunity life threw at me in order to avoid regretting anything down the road.
Sometimes it is difficult to realize which opportunities are the ones I need to seize, and which ones are to be ignored, but I try to apply such philosophy to my everyday situations.
If my daughter asks me to tell her a fairy tale, I try and tell her the fairy tale, regardless of how tired I am, because I know she won’t be a child for very long, and one day, when I want to talk to her and she’s very busy working, or with her partner, or a family of her own, I will regret not having spent as much time as I could when I had the chance; same thing with my baby boy when he cries and I hold him close, smelling his head… he won’t want to be with me forever, and I’ll treasure these memories of the time when I could hold him in my arms and make everything in his world ok; something similar happens when my husband hugs me, although I may not be completely happy sometimes… I hold him regardless, because who knows how much time we have left together, or how many hugs, love-making nights, trips, dinners or holidays we have left. I tend to forget – at least momentarily – that I might be upset and hug him like there’s no tomorrow because not doing it would seem to me like a missed opportunity.
However, I have lately chosen to let some supposed opportunities pass me by because that seems to be the sanier option. What’s sane and what’s insane? I wish there were a clear handbook every one could agree upon, but I guess, from my own experience, what’s sane for some people is not necessarily acceptable for others, and my sanity seems to be on the line nowadays, and that’s something I had never doubted before. Perhaps my ability of my capacity, but never my sanity up to this point.
Have you ever experienced – let’s say metaphorically – the need of touching somebody, but you know that somebody doesn’t necessarily want to touch you back? What to do in that case? Do you sneak your finger and inadvertently touch the other person, even without their knowledge, just to satisfy your need to seize the opportunity? Or do you convince yourself it is not worth it unless the other person also shares the desire to touch you?
Do you not touch the other person knowing this might be a once in a lifetime opportunity? And please, take into consideration I don’t mean by this any sort of inappropriate touch that could be considered aggressive, harassment or something like that… just a touch, like placing your hand on somebody’s shoulder.
Now, project this metaphor to a different level… not about touching somebody, but just about anything: eating something you like but you are not supposed to eat, inviting someone to a party but not knowing if they will accept, shopping for something that is slightly out of your budget… where do you draw the line and determine if what you are refraining yourself from doing is actually better for you and for others, and not a missed opportunity?
Where does it become an obsession rather than just a well-intended effort? In which point do you become a deranged and stubborn individual pursuing an enterprise that should have been abandoned a long time ago for everyone’s sake?
When do you choose to stop trying to make the best out of a shitty situation?
